Posted by: jevcat | August 18, 2010

Homecomings

My Beloved has been away for five weeks, and I’ve been contemplating the nature of relationship and how it changes us.  I lived alone, although with friends and family nearby, for 20 years before my high school sweetheart found me on the Web and we picked up again — not where we left off, but in a much better place (adulthood has its benefits).  I had thought I was too set in my ways to easily accommodate living with someone, but, when he moved from Maine four years ago to be with me in New York, there was hardly a ripple.  It wasn’t difficult at all, just a natural flow.

He travels back to Maine a few times a year for visits to family and friends and to do research and/or photography, staying a month or so at a time – which makes me sort of briefly single again, and I find it seems odd; I feel somehow unmoored.

The first day I usually mope:  read, eat comfort food, feel sorry for myself – as all adolescents discover, a good wallow can feel perversely enjoyable.  After a day or so, I pick myself up, and move into “single” mode.  I do all the chores he usually does (as well as my own), I eat things I like that he doesn’t (I usually lose weight when he’s gone, which is a benefit).  I read more, call friends more, and spend a lot of time in long phone conversations with my Beloved, who calls on non-work mornings (which these days is every morning), and again in the evening.  He tells me what he’s doing and I mostly listen, because it doesn’t feel as though I’m doing much.  On longer trips, it eventually starts to feel to me as though life together was a dream, and singleness the reality – except by that point he’s telling me, sometimes in words, sometimes just in tone of voice, how anxious he is to be home.

In the first year, I talked to a friend who for a long time had a bi-coastal marriage about how she had coped.  That helped a bit, and by now it just seems part of the rhythm of things.  Maybe it got like that for her, too.  My Beloved and I laugh at ourselves sometimes:  we spent 33 years apart; why do a few weeks here and there matter now?  But they do.  Our lives have blended into each other so much that in some ways it feels like only one life.

He arrives back in New York tomorrow evening, and I will be home again.

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Responses

  1. that is beautiful, and I can relate. My husband is retired military…we spent long periods apart. (but, not 33 years…)

    i love…love…
    so happy your Beloved is on his way home.
    thanks for sharing
    jane

  2. I always focus on how much fun it will be when he returns. You can spend as long as you want making up for lost time……..

    Norma

  3. Now try to imagine how we feel after 50 years of being married. As my husband says, we are joined at the hip. We always miss each other, whether it is when one runs to the store, or when one goes on an extended bird watching trip, or, God forbid, when a hospitalization has intervened. Real love is truly forever and we become “one” in
    more ways than the biblical one.

  4. This was well-timed for making me sentimental. I find myself, at age 48, in a new relationship. My Lady Love and I have only lived together for about two months, but she’s away now, visiting her mother in Florida. It’s only a week apart but I do feel “unmoored.” My Lady Love is also due home tomorrow evening and (as you feel with your Beloved’s homecoming) it seems that I, too, will come home when she finally walks in the door. SIGH.


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