Posted by: jevcat | February 21, 2011

Seasons, Wonder, and Gifts

Three days ago it was 70 degrees, and it felt like a gift.  This morning, I woke to silvery light and plump white flakes scurrying past my window, the trees, fire escape, and next door’s roof bearing about a half inch of snow – and somehow, in spite of all the snow we’ve had this winter, that felt like a gift, too.  I love the seasons and their variety.  I can’t imagine living in a place where seasons did not have marked changes, each with its own, different, beauty, inspiring wonder.

Next to me, my Beloved was just beginning to wake, too (we celebrated the holiday by sleeping late – it was not quite 9:00), but we lay there, enjoying the comforter’s cocoon and the soft, safe feeling of skin touching skin.  And that is also a gift – one that, five years after resuming a long-lost (33 years) relationship, still feels new.  Sometimes, like this morning, it still washes over me, the sense of wonder I felt at seeing him again after all those years, remembering what it felt like in high school, to sit next to him in class or, better still, after class, to go wandering the wooded Palisades with him and sit by the river, his arm around me, my hand in his – and how, settling next to him on the sofa that first night of getting re-acquainted, I was swept with the powerful sense of coming home that was only ever there with him.  These are gifts especially precious after his heart attack a year and a half ago, and the precarious nature of his health – every morning we wake up together is a gift.

Soon, I will have to buckle down and start in on the freelance projects waiting for me.  While I want and need a full-time day job, these projects have been challenging and fun and, with our bank account down to double digits, provide much-needed income, and that’s multiple gifts rolled into one.

So, with all the anxiety and stress of this last year or so, with all the worries still in place, it feels almost silly that some moments, all I can feel is the blessings.  And maybe wonder if that isn’t the biggest gift of all.

“Never once in my life did I ask God for success or wisdom or power or fame. I asked for wonder, and he gave it to me.” (Abraham Joshua Heschel)

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Responses

  1. What a beautiful quotation, jevcat. And such a lovely perspective – to look at everything as a gift. I needed to hear that today. Enjoy the snow, your freelance work, and your Beloved. And today.
    Sunshine xx

  2. Thanks, sunshine, because I think I needed to hear it, too, today. And I did enjoy the snow: went out for a walk with my Beloved and his golden retriever service dog, under snow-laden trees and down by the harbor. Now I’ll pay for by having to work double-time.

  3. What a lovely post. Thank you. I’m so happy for you that you and your Beloved are reunited. I have two friends who found each other after years and years. They, too, are so very happy to be together. Life just wedged itself between them, yet offered them the blessing of reunion. I wish you two a lifetime of tenderness and joy!

    And, since you are doing what you love, the universe will support you and your double time will be doubly productive. Just trust – I know you do!
    love
    Nancy

    • Well, I sort of do. In my good moments. He keeps telling me I don’t trust the Creator enough, and I’m sure he’s right — I take after my dad that way. Mom was better at that and Dad used to always say of himself, “Oh me of little faith.”

  4. Janet–
    what a gift…to see and appreciate and call out beauty. You do this so well and wonderfully.
    I am thankful you and your man were reunited–I love your love story, and the care and tenderness you share.

    beautiful post, my friend.
    jane

    • Thanks, Jane. Of course, what that doesn’t say is I had trouble sleeping last night and woke up early this morning worrying about how we’ll pay the bills … If only one could hold on to those moments of grace.


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